Mediation is done to manage for the minor degree of violence in the community and family. Once the mediation process proceeds and understanding between the two parties is made along with community then the person affected will return to their own place. Following are the steps followed in the mediation process.
- First step: Identifying the concern person
- Informal interaction
- Problem Identification
HOW TO START THE CONVERSATION
- Have to listen actively the problem of problem faced people.
- When the problem faced people are sharing their problem in between mediator should shake their head by saying “yes …yes”. go on”
- Mediator have to support the client by saying you mean to say this….in odd situation where client is not able to express.
- Mediator should summarized the first party problem or client problem by saying this are the thought of first party now let’s listen the second party , mention the main point and listen them actively and mediator should shake his or her head saying “yes …yes” and summarized the points at last.
- For the problem faced people identifying the problem at first its affect and informed about its effect.
- Mediator should prioritize the good point of both parties and should repeat them.
- Mediator should encourage both to come in conclusion by identifying their weakness and make them realize that it is their problem, what are yours hidden interest, take decision on how to solve problem.
- Mediator should not show biasness to either party. Should behave equally.
- Create win -win situation for both parties, if they both are not agree mediator should not force them to take decision.
The process done with the parents who are not fully aware of the problem faced by the children:
PROBLEM: Thrash by the Father:
Problem referred by the district child welfare board Surkhet to Aawaaj for the counseling and mediation support for the case of 10 years old boy from Uttarganga VDC ward no.8,Masurikhet, who was beaten by his Father:
One of the examples of Process of Mediation:
Mediator: Namaste, are you fine. What are you doing? We are here to talk with you, are you free. Can you give us some time to talk with us?
Father: Why, what is the work purpose of discussion, On what? Tell me.
Mediator: We are from Aawaaj we are here to talk and discuss with you all who are there in house, to whom you want to keep in discussion; call them lets interact with everyone.
Father: Calls his brother, neighbor and arrange the place for interaction.
Mediator (after everyone came) lets introduce oneself first and then we can start the discussion and then asking from where to start.
Father: let’s start the introduction from your side.
Mediator: First mediators introduce themselves and then serially ask the presented people to introduce themselves.
Mediator: After the introduction the mediator introduce themselves like we are from Aawaaj. Have you heard about this organization and its work? (Most of the people said that they are aware about Aawaaj)
Mediator: Most of you are aware on the working areas of Aawaaj, as Aawaaj work against the domestic violence and child sexual abuse and exploitations, as well as trafficking.
Today we are here with the case of Ram Bahadur, who has beaten his own son so brutally. Now we are here to know what had actually happen from you and also to listen your views (We already had counseling with your son, as per that session) while your son was studying around 9 pm you came drunk and you thrash your wife and while your son came in between saying don’t beat the mother you start beating your own son till his ribs get broken? You kick down your son? Is that true? Now, tell me what is your point on this statement?
Father: I have not thrashed my son. No one beat own son?
Mediator: You are saying that you have not bitten your son, but your son is injured he has marks in chest and back. If your son had to gone through severe injury and had to do treatment that will do that? Do you know that you even can’t beat your own child like this? If you behave in such way you have to go through legal procedure. In district to see such cases of children in the chief of district administrative office, district child welfare board has been established.
Father: It was not intentional, I was scolding my wife and was trying to use hand on her; he came in between and got injured.
Mediator: She is your wife, is this way to treat a wife by beating so brutally?
Father: I also don’t mean to hit my wife. My wife uses her mouth too much, she does not obey me, and it’s all Happen in anger and in trip of alcohol.
Mediator: Do you realize, how did your son felt when you thrash him?
Father: He must have felt bad?
Mediator: You told us that he must have felt bad, do you think your son will behave in same way like you did When he will grow old, what he learned from you, due to your behavior what he has gone through? What You want your son to be and what you want to make?
Father: I want to see my son’s progress, I don’t want him to involve and make habit of alcohol.
Mediator: What changes is needed for you to make your son study good?
Father: I have to behave well in my house, I have to quit alcohol, and my wife also needs to respect me and my Son has to study hard. We all need to control and change our behavior now; I will take my son for treatment.
Mediator: You told that you committed mistake while you were drunk. You want to make your son a good man, You want him to study well and not to have habit of alcohol.”And your dad had even told that he will do medical Treatment for you, he committed this while he was aggressive”. What is your thought about this statement?
Son: Yes, as Father had said he will not repeat this mistake again but I need a paper for proof and he needs to Sign it.
Mediator: What do you say, can we make contract paper for both.
Father: Ok if needed we can make it!
Mediator: Now both the parties make the list of their weak point, then mediator read out, now onward Father will Not hit his son and wife, and child need to respect by both parents. Both the parties’ sign the compromise paper And both were in win- win situation.
Mediator: OK let’s end this here. This signed copy will be in office for the record and if you want we can give 1
Photocopy of signed copy. We hope this type of problems will not repeat. Namaste and see you again bye……
Aawaaj has been providing counseling care and support to people who are in need especially to violence survivor and vulnerable women and children. Aawaaj has an experienced and trained counselor who provides counseling to the sufferers of violence hence helping to build their self-confidence; self esteem, self -respect, self reliance and bring positive feelings in their own life and help them live in the society with dignity.
Working Strategies that we Believe and Important for the Positive Impact to Survivors
1. Respect and Dignity
- To find their own identity, aware on self respect – I have full right over my body, its not my fault, I am not alone- drawing
- Active Listening in a way s/he feels that we are caring you
- Raising voice to get justice continuously with allies, family
- Believe what’s the survivor said and understand her sense,
- Develop self-strength of survivors and able to control own rights and have decision making capacity- encourage….
- Work together; let them understand and recognize the problems; together think and explore the ways to address the problems and respect survivor’s views, participation.
- Maintain confidentiality through out the process
- Give opportunity for skills, fun, play, song, game, dance
- Ensure her / his safety and look after short term basic needs
- Positively influence Men’s and Boys who are change makers
- Give information on legal rights, women and children rights, legal procedure and services provided by Aawaaj, authorities
- Active participation in development activities through awareness, training and skills for good results
- Exploring resources for solving their own problem through linkages and Support economically self sustained activities
- Support school fees, personal safety training/peer education and follow-up meetings to protect survivors.
- Engage to play the supportive role in community to manage and referral the affected person, monitoring and follow up of economic and education support, and identify those children and women who are living in violence and Abuse.
- Sharing feelings and problems among survivor network
- Vocational Skills training, business entrepreneurship and life skills, Job placement in local area or start self employment
3. Participation of Survivors
- Facilitate family and community mediation and seek survivors participation for their own or while it happened to others
- Engage them at community for the immediate reporting, involve them in various awareness program, emotional support to other children and women who have similar problems
- Visit on the spot after reporting and interaction with people to whom survivor’s feel important;
- Facilitate the survivors to work as change makers at community, and schools to end violence, abuse, neglect
- Creative Arts ( drawing, song, dance, street drama, Events (competitions, campaign, media/press releases)
4. Partnership and Sustainability
- Working on what local resources, skills is available at community for long-term emotional and social recovery to promote protection and survival, development rights and to restore dignity of survivors
- Work with authorities for justice, Application Assistance, friends for legal process, birth registration, lobby to compensate Half salary, food and fees for children education
- Working with private sectors and their support to provide job.
- Build capacity of existing groups, Establish Support System, linkages with CSM, child group, Creating Conducive Environment through coordination and collaboration with authorities, civil society and various groups
- Support the strength of families and communities and work with them
- Para counselors in each district to support survivors as per need.
- What We do in 1st session of counseling?
- Greetings and welcome, allow to drink water , tea
- Pre information – Name, from where it come, why they visited at Aawaaj
- Again welcome politely and emotional support in counseling room, see the situation, Rapport building, introduce each other
- Relaxation -allow to take rest, sleep,
- Listening the affected person, make immediate plan by counselor
- The place for counseling, level of sitting
- News print, colors, play materials, flip chart,
- Drinking water, emergency kit-
- Level of closeness, -talking, sitting in L shape
- Care the dress up of counselor
- Time preparation,
What we not do in counseling
- Not discrimination based on caste/ ethnicity, gender, age, disability, status, geography,
- Not raising any expectation and not promising things which we can’t do
- Not pressurized to give information if they are not ready and make ensure to prevent from re-victimized
- Do not disclose with their status without consent of her / his
- Not increased fear, humiliation, or sadness, not labeled, blame, guilt
- Do not ask too many questions at a time and don’t show the power
Working with family
- Regular home visit, family counseling ask them not to leave children alone,
- Inform parents what to talk, what shouldn’t talk and how to talk with children. Do telephone or contact in case of emergency
- Invite them in our program, training or send parents to attend meeting, workshop organized by others
- Legal information, economic support and scholarship support
- Ask them to join in network, women group, CSM